My one and only. Like, EVER.

I was reading through the forums at the MotheringDotCommune website (the online forums for Mothering Magazine) and came across an interesting thread titled "Any Moms of an Only Child." I was intrigued for two reasons. Number one, because I have an only child, heh. And Number two, because I've found my only child scenario to be very different than those of my closest friends (both online and off) who either have several children or none.

Now that I think about it... I don't think I know any moms of one. Huh.



Anyway, finding this thread prompted me to add my voice, which kind of caught me off guard. Not the adding my voice part, that's rarely a problem, but the adding my voice to this particular subject. Considering, apparently, that all my friends are either one extreme or the other, one would think the topic would've come up. It almost seems taboo, or at the very least, to be a sensitive subject to approach.

But why?


We're talking about such a basic topic here. Maybe it falls too close to sex and/or religion and/or politics? Even so, the reproduction of the human race greatly effects so much of this planet and society, how can we not talk about it?


At any rate, clearly the thread got me thinking. Too bad for you, eh?

There were so many reasons why the moms chose to be moms-to-one: sustainability of the earth; having the ability to travel said earth more easily; experiencing a difficult pregnancy or infertility issues; not having the resources (time, money, energy) to afford more children; just plain wanting one kid; and on and on.



Of course this is all one-sided, and what would be really interesting (to me, because I'm selfish like that) is to hear why people choose to have more than one or none. Obviously, I can relate pretty easily to the moms about having an only, and it's nice to find a tribe of ladies in a similar situation as my own, but hearing differing opinions and thoughts makes for a way richer head trip, don't you think?


And so, in conclusion (that was for you, kah)...

Really though, in the name of self-awareness, honesty and mindfulness, I'm copying my reply posted to the forum, and placing it here on my blog. It's neither long and detailed, nor very opinionated, it's just more than I would normally put here, and for no good reason. Important topics are sometimes hard to talk about. Like MPG's and plastic bags and veg*nism and chocolate. Wait chocolate isn't hard to talk about. Though it's VERY important!

By the way, for all this disclosure, you can thank St. Francis and OMSH for their recent inspiration.

Hi, everyone!

I'm a single momma to a 10-year-old monster. There are lots of reasons why I've chosen to have only one child, all of which have evolved and changed over the years. Currently, my primary reasons involve sustainability and durability of our planet. No explanation needed I'm sure, as I see many of those reasons listed here

Of course, I've found being a single mother affects my decision greatly, as well. Becoming unexpectedly pregnant as a teenager determined that my son and I would be faced with some unique challenges, and that things might not be as easy as they could've been had I done things in a more traditional manner. Overall, I love being a mom and I don't regret a single moment of it. That's not to say that things haven't been nearly completely overwhelming (financially, emotionally, spiritually) many, many, many times over the past ten years. Though I wouldn't want trade any of it for a second, and I know that my son and I have an amazing relationship because of it, I certainly don't have the desire to repeat it

I appreciate the general sense of control and manageability that comes with one child, which is also something I've seen mentioned here, and is especially important to me not only as a single parent, but one who works full time out of the house. I can't imagine having to not only shuttle two kids around to lessons, practices, etc., but also afford everyone's interests. And in the middle of it all, still have the energy, time and money to hit the gym and cook healthy meals. In my house, I feel like we're already using all of our resources and adding another life would cause something (like sanity?) to suffer. I'm in awe of how parents make it work.

Also, I'm pretty sure fighting with one kid about bedtime/homework/showering/incessant texting/picking scabs at the dinner table/et. al. is just plenty for me. We all know what a mess one kid can make, I don't need to experience the carnage three or four little monsters could cause on a daily basis. I mean, isn't it generally a good idea to not be outnumbered?

It's funny because I absolutely love when my house is full of kids. I enjoy the loudness and energy and happiness and even the mess I just don't think I'd love it every day.

Eh, who am I kidding? The real reason why I'm not having any more children is because the one I already have is my favorite. We're not supposed to have favorites - I mean, really, what kind of mom would I be if I had another?!

Mikaela

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PS: I do know two other mommas of one - Amy and Leanne, AC's bro's mom (bro below)!

On the joy of motherhood

Is it September yet?

• Injury sustained Wed., July 11:Cause: failed landing of a board slide at the skate park.

• Injury sustained Thu., July 12:Cause: bailed off his skateboard trying to land a nine-step jump at the skate park (for the record, he landed it several times first; this was from his fourth or fifth attempt).

• Injuries sustained Tue., July 17:Cause: a game of man hunt involving 10pm darkness, gravel and a pothole.

• Injury sustained Sun., July 22:Cause: street skating.

In order to lighten the mood and ease the stinging of washing fresh wounds, I've been distracting AC with the camera, promising a special flick'r set of just his busted up self.

'Cause I hear that's what all the good moms do.

BBQ "Pomegranate" Tofu

A big yummy salad with spinach and spring greens, avocado and pomegranate served with Vegan with a Vengeance BBQ Pomegranate Tofu (pg. 149) and Coconut Rice with Toasted Coconut (pg. 109).

The picture above is from the first time I made this dish, and I've made it several times since. It's fast become my new favorite meal to share, as everyone (omnivore, veg*n, etc.) seems to have love for this BBQ sauce. My take has evolved into BBQ "Pomegranate" Tofu because after going to two Indian markets, an gigantic international market and Whole Foods, I've yet to find the pomegranate molasses the recipe calls for. Additionally, besides the first time I made the sauce, I've not been able to find pomegranates, as they're out of season.

Most recently, I brought in the BBQ Pomegranate Tofu, without any trace of pomegranate, for Fun Lunch Day(R) at my work. It was served with the coconut rice and a side of steamed veggies (orange, red, yellow and green peppers and cabbage) and a spring mix salad.

When at first I couldn't find the molasses, I used this recipezaar.com "Homade [no, that is not a typo] Pomegranate Molasses" recipe, http://www.recipezaar.com/86849. My method has slowly dissolved itself to any combination of pomegranate juice and/or regular molasses, or no substitution at all. I don't really notice the difference.

I'd still like to get my hands on some pomegranate molasses, if only out of the desire that seems to have built exponentially into an obsession since I can't find it near my home. I know I could find it online, but really, it's the thrill of the hunt, you know :)

And speaking of fun lunch, here's a gratuitous photo of momma Sam with a meal collected from several vegetarian side dishes in the prepared foods section at the DelVal Market. She was quite happy to show this off to her veg*n coworkers! Be sure to note Cinder's shameless chops-licking:

TEN!

Happy birthday, monster!

We spent the morning at FDR skate park, stopping for lunch with Rodney at Kingdom of Vegetarians (where we had the best wonton soup EVER), back to FDR for a couple hours, then to Grandma Sam's for a little family party with Avery's dinner choice of vegetarian tacos and a cheesecake birthday cake. It was so wonderful to have everyone (little bro Aren, Leanne, Rodney, Brookie, John, Mike, Sam and Jason) there celebrating. And, of course, giving gifts! :P

I'd never been to Kingdom of Vegetarians before, which Rodney recommended - mistakenly as "Vegetarian Kingdom." But, dude. Isn't KINGDOM OF VEGETARIANS, so much cooler? Seriously. A kingdom? That would imply rulers. How do I get voted in? Man... I would own that wonton soup.

I have the shape of a mother

A few weeks ago, I submitted my photos and story to The Shape of a Mother, and they were posted a couple days ago. On my sister's birthday, a fact that I believe is an extra bonus :) If you haven't already, I encourage you to visit the site that Bonnie began with this in mind:

"It occurred to me that a post-pregnancy body is one of this society's greatest secrets; all we see of the female body is that which is airbrushed and perfect, and if we look any different, we hide it from the light of day in fear of being seen. That makes me want to cry. Sure we all talk about the sagging boobs and other parts, but no one ever sees them. Or if they do, it's in comical form, mocking the beauty that created and nourished our children.

"It is my dream, then, to create this website where women of all ages, shapes, sizes and nationalities can share images of their bodies so it will no longer be secret. So we can finally see what women really look like sans airbrushes and plastic surgery. I am asking for mothers to send in photos of bellies, bums, boobs or any other body part (even my lower legs and face show changes since my pregnancies!) to be posted on this website. The pictures can be anything you like from a simple snapshot to something professional. They can be as anonymous as you'd like, or you may choose to have your name and contact info posted with them."

That's right, a site full of pretty mommas. And you know what? You should *tewtally* participate in this awesome project. I've found incredible joy just perusing the essays and photographs, as I believe all moms, dads and non-parents will. It's a little bit of authenticity and beauty peeking out of the over-processed, over-thought, over-consumed, over-everything-ed static of our surroundings. Visit the site and I bet you'll immediately feel the urge to share the link. Yup, that's right, I betcha!

Personally, by making my own contribution I feel a little extra bit of sisterhood, calmness, self-awareness and love in my spirit. If you are a momma, I do hope you'll consider sending in your story :)

Mikaela

The first time I visited The Shape of a Mother, there were only a few submissions, and I thought, "I have to do this." It's taken me several months to *finally* do it, but here I am, thanks to all the amazing moms who’ve already posted :)

Before I really had the chance to even consider whether or not I wanted children, I became pregnant. We were high school sweethearts, together for almost four years and engaged. I was 18, he was 19, and we were living together, far away from home. I don’t remember much about being pregnant, other than *loving* it.

I’ve never in my life ever felt so beautiful than I did during those nine months. Even when I was working double shifts and throwing up in a trash can at my desk, I was absolutely joyous over my belly.

Being so young, my body weight and shape went right back to where I started almost immediately. However, the nearly 40 pounds I gained left me with many stretch marks; all over my tummy, on the tops of my thighs and on my breasts. I never had a stretch mark in my life before then and I thought they were just the wildest things.

I’ve always been self-conscience of my body, always very modest, and so these scars didn’t really change the way I dressed or undressed or displayed myself. I hadn’t owned a bathing suit in years, I never wore belly-bearing tops and I never undressed in front of my boyfriend. As much as my modesty has been a burden, I believe it also really helped me adjust to my new appearance. I’d always had a private, intimate relationship with my body – getting to know it with these unusual stretch marks wasn’t difficult.

I do love them. Seeing them, I am reminded of just how clueless I was ten years ago when I got pregnant. What were we thinking?! 2,500 miles away from home, barely making it on our own, living it up every weekend, no car, still kids ourselves… It’s amazing that we were allowed to have a child!

Like most mommas, I now know that I was intended to give birth to my son; I know the world was simply not complete without him. He is an amazing, thoughtful, creative, cuddly, nonstop, tackling, building, drawing, high-energy, high-impact, collection of skateboarding legs, basketball playing arms and long hair. He’s my monster. My number one man, my light, my heart and my soul. And every time I brush a hand across my stomach and feel one of my deep stretch marks, or catch a glimpse of them on my breasts, the edges of them poking out the top of my shirt, or notice them on my thighs when I change at the gym, I am reminded of him, and I feel proud and insanely touched by the fact that I am a mom. A mom – wow!

Now that I’ve had the time and experience to consider parenthood, I know that had I not become pregnant then, I never would have. Sustainability, economics, consumerism, politics and just plain fright play major roles in my decision to *not* have any more children. Thank goodness I was too young and stupid ten years ago to know any better! As difficult as being a very young, and eventually a single mom, has been, I feel like parenthood was the universe’s gift to me – the only way I could become a mother, was to let it happen before I could even think about it. Thank god it did :)

www.mdmintake.blogspot.com

What do the good moms do?

The ground is frozen. Also, we have a hamster in need of a burial (see post, below). I'm in danger of blowing my Good Mom cover. Ideas? :-/